Gonna Get There Someday
by abc's of drama
Summary: Hotch makes a visit to the cemetery.H/P Song Fic based on the title song by Dierks Bentley.


_AN: Hey everyone. This is my first fanfic so any advice or critiques would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy the story!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Criminal Minds or the song "Gonna Get There Someday" by Dierks Bentley._

Gonna Get There Someday

He walked through the cemetery quietly, holding the small bouquet of flowers he had picked up on the way over. He found her stone easily, having been here before, and stared down at the place he knew she was buried.

_Well its been a year and there's so much to tell  
been doing alright in spite of myself  
just wish I could stop feeling bad when I pray  
But I know I'm gonna get there someday  
_

He could still remember that day like it was yesterday, the day he found out he would never see her again. One year ago today, his cell phone rang at seven on a Sunday morning and he cursed whoever was on the other end for calling so early on the one day he allowed himself to sleep late. He answered his phone with his habitual "Hotchner" but was not prepared for what he was about to hear. The doctor introduced himself and then told Hotch he was sorry. She had finally died in her sleep after a year of being ill. He said she felt no pain toward the end and that Hotch should take comfort in knowing that she passed away peacefully.

Hotch felt no comfort though. He had gone completely silent, going into shock as the doctor called his name sympathetically. He had known she was sick, known this would happen eventually but he still was not prepared for the emotions that came with getting the news. He could feel his heart begin to break as he realized he never got the chance to say goodbye to her, to give her the support she gave to him so many times before.

_  
Still got that job I was dreaming about  
sometimes its tough traveling around_

His job had always come first in his life. It had cost him his family and now it had cost him the chance to say goodbye to someone he loved with all his heart. He couldn't deny he loved his job but it often took time away from the people that really mattered to him.

_  
but who I wanna be still seems so far away  
but I know I'm gonna get there someday  
_

After receiving the news and attending the funeral, he had vowed that he would become the man he needed to be for the people he loved. He had begun spending more time with Jack and often went out with the team for a drink after work. He allowed himself to lean on them for support knowing many of them had felt this same pain and sorrow.

_  
glad I told you all I meant to  
while I had the chance  
cause every moment I had with you  
made me who I am  
_

Three weeks after he lost her, he was sitting on the couch looking at old photos and thinking of the times he had spent with her over the years. He realized that she must have known how grateful he was for everything she had done for him. As the revelation hit him, he could feel some of the weight being lifted from his shoulders, the grief beginning to release its hold on his heart. He had always made an effort to tell her how much he appreciated her. Now he understood why that was so important.

_  
by the way, I met someone new  
and wouldn't you know, she's a whole lot like you_

He could still remember the first time he became aware of his feelings for Emily Prentiss. She had talked him into to joining the team for a drink at their favorite bar after a particularly difficult case. She had asked him to dance and he had begrudgingly agreed, not willing to deny her any happiness. They had grown close over the years since she had joined the team and they often leaned on one another when one of them needed the support. Coffee breaks together had turned into lunch and lunch had turned into hanging out on weekends and after work. It wasn't until he looked down at her snuggled up against his chest on the dance floor that he realized he never wanted her to leave his arms. He whispered her name in her ear and smiled brightly when she blushed from the use of her first name. He would never know what exactly came over him but at that moment nothing in the world seemed more right than kissing her. For the first time in his life he didn't care about the consequences or that the entire team could clearly see them from their table. All that mattered was letting Emily know how much he truly cared for her.

_  
still I ain't ready to settle down in one place  
but I know I'm gonna get there someday  
_

A year later and he still wasn't sure if he was ready to marry again. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and he had told her that much. But after his first wife, Haley filed for divorce after almost twenty years of marriage, the institution seemed less sacred to him somehow. Eventually he would be make an honest woman out of his new love and he knew she would be there every step of the way.

_  
well I guess I'll be movin' on  
I'll just leave these daisies by your stone_

He had been standing at the grave for over an hour when he became aware of the time. He had to pick up Jack in half an hour so they could spend the weekend together. He carefully laid the flowers down in front of the engraved name he knew so well and placed a soft kiss on the cold stone. "I miss you", he whispered, just as the single tear he had been trying to hold in slid down his face and onto her grave.

_  
and momma, I still miss you every day  
but I know I'm gonna get there someday  
_

His mother had been his strength throughout his childhood especially after his father began to drink. He hadn't known until many years later that she often took the beatings for her son so he wouldn't have to feel the wrath of his own father. To this day he still admired her strength and courage in being able to walk away from the only man she had ever been with to protect his brother and himself. He saw everyday how hard it could be for these women to leave so he knew what it took for his own mother to do just that. He always felt that she had saved him from making the same mistakes his father had made so long ago and for that he would continue to come back every year to say thank you to his mother, the first woman he ever loved.

_  
when that'll be, guess only God can say  
but I know I'm gonna get there someday_

As he turned slowly to walk back to his car he spotted the dark head standing by the passenger side door and the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. It was then he knew the ring he had impulsively bought the week before would be on Emily Prentiss' hand by the end of the month. Emily reached for him as he approached the car softly whispering in his ear to make sure he was okay. Hotch gave her a genuine smile responding, "I will be" before dropping a kiss on the top of her head. He slid into his seat ready to spend the weekend with his son and girlfriend as a family. As he drove away he glanced into the rear view mirror and silently thanked his mother once again for giving him the life he always dreamed of.


End file.
